Maybe it's time for some cooking classes

MSNBC reported yesterday that a woman in Texas called 911 because her husband would not eat dinner. Aside from making obvious claims on the woman's sanity, (please tell me that you have already made claims on this woman's sanity) I am thinking that maybe this woman just can't cook. Either that or she has a rather picky eater on her hands. Both of these situations could send someone over the edge, especially if sanity was already compromised (I said if. Don't judge!).

Now there have been many instances when my mom made something completely inedible for dinner. I love my mom dearly, but we ate wallpaper paste red rice and beans for months before she got it right. It was always a monstrous pot of rice too, so we all had to learn the swallow without chewing techniques. I also became an expert at "this is a lot closer than the last one" discussions. My poor Pennsylvania Dutch mother. She was meant to stick to potatoes and celery, and not to venture into the world of Latin cuisine.

In honor of this lovely and possible loony woman in Texas, I am of the firm opinion she was trying to poison her husband and he knew about it, I decided that we all needed to think up some truly 911 worthy food emergencies. Sometimes I wish there were a food version of 911. "Hello, operator, my oven coil just burned out and the turkey just started to cook AND it's Thanksgiving and 30 people will be arriving in 5 hours." It would save so many people from resorting to Chinese food during the holidays.

911 Moment #1: I have run out of butter. This is perhaps worse than death. Butter makes the most lovely of foods. The lack of butter is just so sad.

911 Moment #2: Beef Stroganoff. Really this has to be the worst meal known to man. Whoever thought of this dish needs to just crawl into a hole and apologize for the wrong they have done to the world. Any dinner with this concoction is a 911 worthy moment for everyone expected to partake.

911 Moment #3: Is that blood? You're cutting away at some vegetables, and you don't feel it but you slice right into your finger. All of the veggies need to be thrown out. Washing them off is not an option and if you think it is, you should probably just stop cooking for good.

911 Moment #4: It doesn't turn out. You have made your famous apple pie a million times for yourself. Every time you make it, it turns out perfectly. You have been telling your friends about it and finally decide to bring it to the holiday party. It is a flop. The crust burns the apples are hard. 911 moment if I have ever heard of one.

Of course not a one of these moments are truly worthy of calling 911. Emergencies are only emergencies because they happen infrequently and only when the situation is truly dire. In the food world, there is a real need for a 911 number. Maybe if we give Congress a Christmas deadline, they'll work something out for us. Until then instead of calling the poor operator about your husband's lack of appetite, you should probably just find a girlfriend to complain to or a cooking class to take.

Happy Eating!!!

Emily